Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. -Fred Allen Men
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. -Fred Allen Age
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. -Fred Allen History
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. -Fred Allen Religion
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. -Fred Allen Famous
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. -Fred Allen Fear
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. -Fred Allen Funny
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. -Fred Allen Failure
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. -Fred Allen God
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. -Fred Allen Travel
