We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. -Phyllis Diller Teacher
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. -Phyllis Diller Home
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -Phyllis Diller Thanksgiving
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. -Phyllis Diller Funny
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Age
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Beauty
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. -Phyllis Diller Parenting
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. -Phyllis Diller Funny
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. -Phyllis Diller Anger
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. -Phyllis Diller Business
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. -Phyllis Diller Beauty
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -Phyllis Diller Christmas
