In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet. -Les Dawson Space
My mother-in-law said, 'One day I will dance on your grave.' I said 'I hope you do; I will be buried at sea.' -Les Dawson Hope
How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. -Les Dawson Funny
My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in. -Les Dawson Christmas
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.' -Les Dawson Home
I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve. -Les Dawson Teacher
