It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people yourself is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral, self-righteous, bullying laziness. -Penn Jillette Amazing
My whole family is missing that sports gene. I hope I didn't screw that up by marrying a great golfer. -Penn Jillette Sports
When I was a kid, politicians wanted to avoid talking about religion if they could. John F. Kennedy couldn't duck the issue, being Catholic and all. So how did he address it? By reminding Americans that religion shouldn't be an issue, that he was concentrating on big things like poverty and hunger and leading the space race. -Penn Jillette Space
Computers absolutely changed my life. Before I had a computer, I had never written one thing. Not one thing. I'm a very bad speller and I was embarrassed by that. When I would type, the little mistakes would make me nutty, and I would never edit anything. -Penn Jillette Computers
My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15. -Penn Jillette Technology
I'm not bothered by the idea of getting old, or I guess you could say by having arrived at old. I was 10 when my mom turned 55. For 1955, she was a very old mom. -Penn Jillette Mom
A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.' -Penn Jillette Failure
I'm totally against straight marriage - even though I'm married. I don't think heterosexual marriage is any of the government's business. -Penn Jillette Marriage
My hair is way, way long. I've hitchhiked across the country a zillion times. I've ridden in every car. I was never a hippie. It takes more than long hair. -Penn Jillette Car
This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need. -Penn Jillette Dad
Counterintuitive actions prove we can trust real knowledge and do the opposite of what we feel makes sense. -Penn Jillette Trust
We need a president who realizes that there's no government business in show business. -Penn Jillette Government
Democracy without respect for individual rights sucks. It's just ganging up against the weird kid, and I'm always the weird kid. -Penn Jillette Respect
For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights. -Penn Jillette Technology
I'm always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports. -Penn Jillette Sports
Bacon is so good by itself that to put it in any other food is an admission of failure. You're basically saying, 'I can't make this other food taste good, so I'll throw in bacon.' -Penn Jillette Failure
Counterintuitive actions prove we can trust real knowledge and do the opposite of what we feel makes sense. -Penn Jillette Knowledge
