I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield Respect
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't. Rodney Dangerfield Hope
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield Age
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Rodney Dangerfield Marriage
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't. Rodney Dangerfield Hope
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Rodney Dangerfield Marriage
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. Rodney Dangerfield Truth
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield Home
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. Rodney Dangerfield Morning
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield Best
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. Rodney Dangerfield Marriage
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. Rodney Dangerfield Home
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield Food