Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. Erma Bombeck Age
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck Car
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck Birthday
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck Wisdom
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck Car
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. Erma Bombeck Alone
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck Christmas
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck Food
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. Erma Bombeck Business
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck Hope
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck Thanksgiving
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. Erma Bombeck Humor
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck Wedding
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck Mom
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck Marriage
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. Erma Bombeck Religion