I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

- Elayne Boosler

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

- Elayne Boosler

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

- Elayne Boosler

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

- Elayne Boosler

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

- Elayne Boosler

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

- Elayne Boosler

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

- Elayne Boosler

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

- Elayne Boosler

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

- Elayne Boosler

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

- Elayne Boosler