My first car was, as depicted in 'Sleepwalk with Me,' my mother's '92 Volvo station wagon that had 80,000 miles on it, and I had put 40,000 miles on it, so by the time it retired it had 120,000, and I basically killed it. It served me well, and my mechanic was always very angry with me because I just didn't properly care for it. - Mike Birbiglia 1 Share Now -
I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel a lot - that when I'm home on a Sunday, I typically try to sleep in as much as I can. - Mike Birbiglia 2 Share Now -
I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding. - Mike Birbiglia 3 Share Now -
I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear. - Mike Birbiglia 4 Share Now -
Directing a movie is a little bit like being back in student government and putting on the homecoming dance. You're like, 'You put up the streamers, and you hire the DJ, and you get the punch bowl.' Some people are just like, 'This dance sucks.' And you're like, 'No no, this dance is awesome!' You have to be really positive. - Mike Birbiglia 6 Share Now -
Someone said to me at a party once, 'Oh, yeah, you're a comedian? Then how come you're not funny now?' And I just wanted to say, 'Well, I'm just going to take this conversation we're having and then repeat that to strangers, and then that's the joke. You're the joke later.' - Mike Birbiglia 7 Share Now -
Starbucks is the last public space with chairs. It's a shower for homeless people. And it's a place you can write all day. The baristas don't glare at you. They don't even look at you. - Mike Birbiglia 8 Share Now -
I've actually always wanted to write like a one-person show that was sort of a romantic comedy - a show that was kind of cynical about romance and marriage but ultimately embraced it. Because I feel like comedy is always cynical, inherently, because it's contrarian. - Mike Birbiglia 9 Share Now -
My dad goes through war novels like I go through boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. - Mike Birbiglia 10 Share Now -
