One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. Groucho Marx Morning
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho Marx Life
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx Pet
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx Relationship
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. Groucho Marx Happiness
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx Art
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. Groucho Marx Medical