I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough. -Johnny Vegas Birthday
You get people who come to London, sever links with where they come from, and then when they need people, there's nobody there. To feel like you can't go back home would be a horribly sad place to be, as is mistaking fame for genuine love and affection. -Johnny Vegas Sad
I came from a very loving home, had a happy life with no great aspirations, but going to the seminary changed me. There was a chunk of my childhood missing. Once I'd realised it wasn't for me, I still felt a tremendous pressure to continue for fear of letting everybody down. -Johnny Vegas Fear
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion. -Johnny Vegas Politics
From a certain age, I sort of accepted myself for what I was. And although to other people it was like nothing ever goes right, I had a really nice attitude that I'd inherited from my parents, and especially from my dad. -Johnny Vegas Attitude
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind. -Johnny Vegas Birthday
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion. -Johnny Vegas Dad
I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money. -Johnny Vegas Wedding
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. -Johnny Vegas Funny
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year. -Johnny Vegas Christmas
