If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman Funny
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman Marriage
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. Henny Youngman Medical
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman Medical
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. Henny Youngman Women
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman Anniversary
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman Marriage
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman Home
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. Henny Youngman Car
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman Time
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. Henny Youngman Anniversary
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman Music